Some Home Grown Limericks

There was an old man in a hat

Who felt that he looked like a twat

His face was so thin

With a stupid wide grin

And his legs were large, round and fat

There was an old man in an inn

Whose love of his life was gin

When it came to his round

He ne'er had a pound

So his mates they battered him in

There was an old man with a shoe

Who said "oh what shall I do?"

"I've got two lovely feet,

which are really neat

but only one shoe, not two"

There was a young gardener from Leeds

Whose garden was covered in weeds

He got out his hoe

And got ready to sow

A selection of interesting seeds

(C) Simon Paul, 2013

Theatre, Poetry and Prose by Simon Paul: The Secret Agent

Theatre, Poetry and Prose by Simon Paul: The Secret Agent

The Terrapin

Latest in my series of monologues although slightly different as it does not follow the day in a life of a particular job.

The Terrapin is basically a bit of a rant by a man who receives an unusual gift for his fiftieth birthday. Okay, the title is a bit of a give-away in respect of the gift but how he deals with it is another matter altogether.

As with all my other monologues and scripts, it is available through clicking this link to The Terrapin at Production Scripts.

The Secret Agent

Within days of its publication on Production Scripts, my latest monologue, The Secret Agent made its first sale. Only a review copy but a sale nevertheless. It was purchased by a teacher at a high school in the US who also purchased various other scripts. He may have been amassing material for a high school review or just for some drama class exercises.

The Secret Agent joins my other scripts which are all now increasing in popularity. There are a lot more ideas in motion and I will be publishing further scripts, both monologues and full length pieces throughout 2013 and beyond. In the meantime, happy New Year to all my blog followers and readers.

Facebook..?

So Facebook has floated the left ear of its business making the founders richer than Croesus and leaving many mere mortals wondering how this mammoth of the Internet World can be really worth $100bn.
The words Emperor and clothes spring to mind especially now that it's been revealed that investors may not have been privy to the revenue forecasts put together by advisers prior to the flotation. Okay, yes, zillions of Facebook users all waiting to be exposed to the end result of mad men's output may generate significant revenues. But this is also a costly business to run. Apart from the need to constantly upgrade and increase its server capacity, it also needs to innovate. It needs to constantly find new ways to attract and retain users. It can do this in part by buying new, small companies (like Instagram) but integrating these into the Facebook fold is no cheap, nor technically simple operation.
The key issue though, is what happens when the novelty wears off? What happens when the site gets regularly hacked, infested with viruses, stalkers and perverts? These are just some of the longer-term issues that Facebook needs to address. At the end of the day, we have to ask - what value does Facebook add? How does it satisfy  customers' needs? It is a strange dichotomy in that on the one hand someone will complain about the introduction of ID cards or the number of CCTV cameras invading their privacy whilst at the same time posting pictures of their children to several million people they will never meet let alone get to know.
Have the Emperor's new clothes already started to become ragged?

Post-Script 05/10/12
Well, was I right? A plummeting share price reflects what investors really think of the value of the business. In part this is due to the uncertainty as to how Facebook will generate mobile revenues. It will probably have to follow Google in launching its own range of smartphones to derive any meaningful mobile revenue but advertising, I'm not so sure. Less than 24 hours after FB hit its one billionth member, uncertainty still prevails. Just as I quit FB when I hit 3,500 'friends' of whom I knew about 100, perhaps FB will begin to question whether people collecting is just a matter of style over substance! 

Post-Post-Script 14/03/13
Al this is rather meaningless and boring. Why not check out my scripts instead: http://www.productionscripts.com/simon-paul-m-155.html

Theatre, Poetry and Prose by Simon Paul: Simon's Cat

I know that Christmas is still a long way off but this makes me laugh so much...
Theatre, Poetry and Prose by Simon Paul: Simon's Cat

PARAPROSDOKIANS

Wow, what a word! This has gone viral today via email but I just had to share it. Great fun, enjoy!

Here is the definition:

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there's relatives.

The Frog Prince

Now live and available here: http://www.productionscripts.com/simon-paul-frog-prince-p-779.html?osCsid=2f8ac67ef9e89fa21630b1a8237ac6fc

Simon Paul - that's me!

Just a quicky to tell you about a new blog I've set up just so that the World can get a sensible idea of who and what I am. It can be accessed either via my domain: www.simonpaul.net or directly at: www.simon-paul.blogspot.com

The Frog Prince - Coming to a Living Room Near You!

Thanks to Nicole for getting together the DVD of The Frog Prince of which this is a short trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqw-caAtYYs&feature=youtu.be